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To All the People That Write Me Hate Mail

Thank you for entertaining me. I will never write you back privately, but I appreciate you πŸ˜‰ So, here is a special post for you guys!

To the breastfeeding haters-

I have no idea why you’re writing me telling me you’re happy with your bottle feeding choice. That is great. I’m happy for you. I don’t want people to judge me for breastfeeding and I don’t want people to judge you. We’re on the same team.

To the people that claim to be anti-adoption-

Thank you for spending your time writing to someone who already adopted, giving them absolutely no useful advice, but just to vent and tell them how much you hate adoption. I hope it is therapeutic for you. (P.S. my online psychiatry fee is per word)

To the people who have their children in public school-

I would really like to know what I’ve said that gave you the impression that because I am planning on homeschooling… I think you are an “evil neglectful mother”??- hmmm, I have many more friends that have their kids in “regular” school, than are home-schooled, and I believe they are making the right choice for their child. Just like I feel like I am for mine. So please, stop…stop at least until my kids are 45, unmarried, and living as klingons. Then you can say, “I told you so.” Until then, please quiet yourself.

To all the racist people that write to me-

I have a particular finger I’d like to show you….

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19 responses to “To All the People That Write Me Hate Mail

  1. Wow, I really thought this title was going to be misleading because why would anyone write you hate mail? I have never, since I’ve been following you anyway, seen you write anything hateful about anyone else. People often think when we make certain choices as parents that it means we think everyone else’s choices are wrong. These people are just insecure. You seem like such a nice, genuine, loving person. I can’t believe anyone would want to write you an email like that.

    • Jamie

      Thanks! I appreciate that Jennifer! I try my best to explain that my view of thing is not an attempt to bash another point-of-view. Eh, can’t win ’em all…I guess.

  2. It’s amazing how many people see someone’s personal choice for themselves (or their family) as an attack or indictment on the choices of others.

    I don’t drink (at all). In college I would still go out with my friends, go to parties, dance, etc. I just wouldn’t drink. I didn’t have a problem with anyone else drinking, I was just there to have fun. I was constantly amazed at the number of people that would freak out that I wasn’t drinking. It was as if it were impossible to ‘not drink’ – every refusal of a drink was also bundled with ‘and by not drinking I’m better than all of you so nyah nyah nyah’.

    I get the same when I talk about my plans for a home birth. My mom had all three of us at home and, as long as I’m not a high risk pregnancy, it sounds nicer to me than having my kids at a hospital. It’s absolutely nothing against hospitals (which are great and have saved the lives of many mothers and babies). Somehow, that choice makes me anti-medicine and a kook. Many have said, “Well, that’s _great_ for you, but some of us would have died without giving birth at the hospital, so it’s just not an option for everyone.” Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m not pushing for a bill to outlaw child birth at hospitals – though, I’d appreciate it if others would stop pushing for bills that outlaw homebirths and midwives.

    As for homeschooling, it would be great if someone had facts and figures beyond ‘that one homeschooled kid they knew that was wierd’ as evidence that without regular school, a child will turn out strange. I don’t know about others, but, public school was not the only place I socialized. I was in scouts, in church youth groups, I played sports, I did volunteer work and I played games with kids in the neighborhood (some of whom were home schooled and managed not to be freaks of nature).

    Anyhow, it seems I’ve gone off into a rant. My point being that I completely agree. Your choices are not a judgment and anyone that freaks out and sees them as a personal attack should deal with their issues rather than attacking someone they don’t know on the internet.

    • Jamie

      Once again you totally get what I’m saying.

      And I completely agree with you about home births. I think they are great with a midwife. I don’t know why people think it is necessary to give birth in a hospital. Hospitals are for people that are ill. There is nothing wrong with you when you a pregnant! You aren’t sick.
      Well, I actually was, and so the thought of me giving birth at home (or in general) is a very scary idea….but I believe the true reason of OBs and hospital deliveries are for people in circumstances like mine. And really whoever else wants them….

      but yeah, I hate the liability midwives are facing now because of idiots who don’t understand it.

  3. Rosalinda ⋅

    Hi Jamie, I’m sorry you get all the nasty emails from people who have nothing better to do. I’m a lurker from the preeclampsia forums and I think it’s amazing that you’ve breastfed so long and that you’ve decided on changing a child’s life through adoption.

    I am currently 23w 3d pregnant with my 3rd baby (1st baby was still born due to severe PE at 25wks), second baby made it to 36wks no PE! Anyway, I hope to try harder to breastfeed this baby than the last one who only breastfed for a tiny bit; and I am also considering homeschooling since they will be only 18 months apart.

    Are you available via email or phone for some BF advice? I’d really appreciate it. Thanks.

    • Jamie

      Hey Rosalinda! Thanks
      Oh I am so excited for your third (and sounds like second PE free) pregnancy! It makes me so happy to hear a story like yours.

      Contact me by e-mail (jamie@iamnotthebabysitter.com) and I’ll give you my phone number. Aren’t you up in San Jose? I’m originally from the Bay Area.

  4. Kristen ⋅

    I am a public school teacher in an excellent rated school and still I can see the benefits of home schooling your children! Why do people care what you do with your own children? I have never understood that! I am a single woman in the process of two international adoptions and people LOVE to tell me all the time how I have no idea what I’m getting myself into and that I’m in way over my head. I’ve learned to just smile politely because it’s not worth my energy to reply to them. I KNOW that I am a capable person and I didn’t just wake up one day and decide, “hm, I’m going to adopt!”
    I absolutely love your blog and I hope to be able to breastfeed my son (a baby coming from the Congo) -even if I don’t produce milk- for the emotional attachment! My daughter is 5 1/2 coming from India. She might be 6 by time I get her home. If she were younger, I would try breastfeeding with her as well.
    I have always found your blog to be positive and non-judgemental so please don’t let these jackwagons get to you!

    p.s. Samuel’s gotcha day video is so touching! when he gives Brian a hug, oh my goodness!!!

    • Jamie

      Thank Kristen!
      My sister also was a teacher when she had her first child. She decided to homeschool. It is a personal choice. I just wish more people realized it.

      So many people told me that too. Whatever! Anyone who is in the process of international adoption has clearly had faar more time than they needed to think about it! I bet the people saying that to you aren’t the ones that adopted!

      You’re doing an adoption from two countries?! I’ve heard people do that a lot with China, but I haven’t met anyone who has! Oh that sounds so interesting to me. I’d love to talk with you privately about the process.

      I’m actually starting a blog with my friend Jenny (who commented below you) about adoptive breastfeeding. If you want to track your progress or share your story, let me know.

      Also, if you need any advice or encouragement- talk to Jenny. She is a specialist in the field and is honestly, a goldmine of information!

  5. Jenny

    Thank goodness you moderate the comments. That was a funny reply to your haters. Stupid people. πŸ˜›

    • Jamie

      lol thanks! I know used to not moderate them. Then one day I woke up with 20 REALLY mean comments. I changed that fast!

      They are stupid.

      P.S. I forgot to email you back. You should get one tonight (tonight for me… I guess morning for you)

  6. WhitMc

    The saying goes that once you start getting hate mail, you know you are making a difference. If there are people out there that can expend the energy to hate on you, think of how many more people are lovin on you. Probably a ton. Stupid haters. Who is against adoption?

    And Kristen sounds like a total rockstar–two international adoptions! Congratulations!

    P.S. I liked your post so much I gave you a shout-out on RTT today!

    • Jamie

      Yay! I got on RTT! Thanks!!!!
      That makes up for all the mean emails πŸ˜‰ haha, seriously, I’m really excited to be mentioned on my favorite weekly post of yours!

  7. Fantastic post Jamie!
    It will never cease to surprise me about the amount of haters out there. For no good reason!

  8. Gail ⋅

    I found your blog while looking for something entirely different and I got hooked…. πŸ™‚
    You have two beautiful little boys and I honestly have no idea how anyone looking at those two little faces can write something hateful.
    And the rest of the “fan mail” , I think that most moms receive so much criticism and well meaning advice that they only feel like they’re not a complete failure if they convince as many people as they can that their way is the right way.
    Too bad that most of them fail to see that you can be a great mom despite, and in most cases because you’re doing what everyone else telly you not to, simply because you’re doing what’s right for you and your children.

  9. Allison

    Amen! I love my hate mail. My favorite was when I was told I was not fit to be a mother because we don’t do Santa Claus. I get very excited with my negative comments! It means I’m controversial (which I’m not usually), so that makes me feel giddy with delight!

  10. Jillian

    I get anti adoption rant emails too, as well as RAD is the ‘adoptive parent’s fault’ or it ‘doesn’t exist at all’….
    We homeschool 3 of our 5 children. 1 is in public school, and 1 is in an RTC (when returning home will be in a public school)…I think we all just have to do what works for us.
    I would love to see more breast-feeders, simply because I enjoyed sooo very much, but it is always the moms decision to make…just as it is mine to keep nursing, or to have 5 kids, or to have some homeschooled and some not…
    95% of my hate emails are laughable…a few cut deep and fast, but mostly laughable.

  11. Stacey Rigaud ⋅

    I LOVE YOUR BLOG!….but then again, I am a white female who nursed her 2 birth children and then adopted 2 kids from China and then 2 more very dark skinned kids from Haiti AND I have been homeschooling for 15 years, so who am I to judge??!!

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