That is me. And that is why I gave my blog a new look.
I’ve decided since my previous post on race how truly irritated I am.
There is a group on Yahoo for parents of children adopted from Ethiopia. The group is so large it is maelstrom of nonsense. When I first joined we were looking into adoption. The group single-handedly made me put my adoption on hold and almost scared me out of doing it forever. Not because of the scary truths of adoption, but because of the weirdos that do adopt! The posts were awful, and any time anyone that made sense tried to post back they would be brutally chewed up and spit out all over the forum walls. Oh, I shudder at the thought.
So, I finally realized that because the group was so big it led to this crazy pandemonium. Too many conflicting views of the world and how to live it- (even how to speak)…..
I was recently invited into a “secret” facebook group about adoption. At first I forgot I was in it, but then i started paying attention and asking questions in my “secret” group of other mothers that I couldn’t ask the outside world. What happened? Major backlash. Why? The same problem…..too many conflicting views (but it didn’t help the woman attacking me was borderline psychotic)…. I don’t think I’m insensitive to people, but I definitely am insensitive to politically correct nonsense that some people hold so dear. I appreciated that people were defending me, but I still left.
If you’re scared to ask questions about observations in the world in a correct forum- you’re never going to get your answer. I think the lack of knowledge about people is what creates the segregation we see in our society today.
What does Oprah say? “If you know better, you do better”- that is what I’m trying to do. Ask uncomfortable questions that can be answered and discuss them. It may not be pretty, but the outcome is worth it.I stated very boldly in my post, we can’t pretend racism doesn’t exist, but we can talk through the nonsense of race to get past it.I think the problem with those crazy PC people is that by saying everything correct we are pretending that there is no divide, and it only makes it worse. Lack of expression of faith or personal beliefs is also something I cannot stand about the crazy PCers. We are not robots, stop trying to make us act like them.
So, I left the group immediately to stop the nonsense at it’s early stage. Other people I know are still in it and probably find it useful (as well as the yahoo group, there are even good resources on there)…..just not for me.
Basically, I’m left now with a new state of crazy. I finally 100% realize I will not please anyone in any specific demographic. People are going to disapprove of you no matter what and you will never get 100% approval from any 1 group. So, you better believe in what you’re saying.
I am not racially sensitive, I’m just not. Maybe it is because between the two of us, Brian and I are very racially diverse- We make up 10 countries and four continents (Asia,Europe, South America, Australia (random!), and with Samuel we make five with Africa, and if you count the fact that we are North Americans, that makes six! So, I find it insignificant….also, I do experience racist comments all the time. Being in Los Angeles and an inconspicuous half-Armenian, I’ll get direct comments about my ethnicity from people who find my heritage “gross”- or say we are all “criminals” it goes on and on. I even told someone once I was Armenian and they immediately tried to make me feel good by saying, “you don’t look or act like them, they are weird!” It reminded me of when people say Samuel doesn’t look “African”- I’ll also get the other end and have Armenian people segregate me because they say I don’t look it or speak the language, and i must be lying.
I’ve just learned that when you start mixing things up people are going to be confused and say things about what they don’t know. It will be insensitive, and frankly, stupid. Using words like “gross” isn’t ever appropriate, but something in their life experience made them believe that. The only thing you can do is show them that it is untrue. Getting mad doesn’t really help changing people’s opinions. Saying extremely intentional and hurtful things to someone is never okay, but when someone asks a question about something they don’t understand and it comes out insensitive- I think that is good. I think the best part of the civil rights movement was the commentary going back and forth. The complete ignorance that was one-sided was exposed for what it was, and it allowed things to move forward. When we look back at the videos of that time (or even of bigotry in the 1980s) it is almost laughable at how stupid people were. The truth is, those open forums that we are watching from the past were helping us realize this.
So, I’m exposing myself as a complete nut, today. I’m going to do things that make people uncomfortable. I’m going to expose my ignorance in a well-intentioned, but probably insensitive way. If you don’t like what you see, tell me! I’m not going to stop what I’m doing, but I’ll learn!….and if you’re uncomfortable- good. This is coming from the girl who breastfeeds her almost school-aged children in public. Craziness ahead.